People Will Still Be Watching "Bride of the Monster" in 20 Years? Now That's Scary!

Bride of the Monster (Not Rated)

1955

68 Minutes

Widescreen: 1.85:1

It’s hard to judge a movie directed by Ed Wood. It may be awful, but Ed tried so hard to film them, you feel bad putting it down. Grabbing any money he could get and using it as liberally as possible, a laboratory set was silver and a piece of stock footage was gold. He worked on a timetable that would make any film veteran sweat and he should be respected in the movie world for being such an enthusiastic and tenacious director. But…his movies still stink.

“Bride of the Monster” was Ed’s fifth movie and one of the funniest. It revolves around mad scientist Eric Vornoff, played by Bela Lugosi in his last speaking role (but that’s a different story), and his hulking “Tibetan” assistant Lobo, played by Swedish wrestler Tor Johnson. Vornoff lives in an old house in the woods, where he works on nuclear experiments. His biggest success is an octopus, which seems to be sized differently in every shot. Apparently, with the big squid and some sort of brain fryer in the lab, he plans to “take over the vorld!” Meanwhile, the police and the newspapers are trying to understand the strange goings-ons from the Vornoff ranch.

I tried to squeeze another paragraph out of the plot, but that’s about it.

The film is entertaining. I laugh heartily every time I see Vornoff slap Lobo with a big sturdy whip. The stock footage is hilarious too. Octopi, alligators, lightning storms…It’s not as ridiculous as “Plan 9 from Outer Space,” but what is? Something I also noticed on my last viewing was the interior decoration of Vornoff’s house. Wallpaper that’s supposed to look like stones covers the laboratory, and look fast for a portrait of Ulysses S. Grant in the living room. Just another one of Ed’s tricks to save some money, I guess. Other highlights include a police chief who looks like George Kennedy, Office Kelton making his first film appearance, and much, much more.

All in all, shaky as it is, Ed made a movie and he loved it. Most directors these days don’t have half as much passion as he did. That’s the difference between his movies and the bad movies of today. Because in 20 years, no one will remember a hack job like “Alien vs Predator: Requiem,” but we’ll still be watching “Bride of the Monster.”

Grade: C

To see "Bride of the Monster," with commentary by Mystery Science Theater 3000, click here.